Tools · · Updated
25 Easy Ways to Make Friends When Moving to a New City
Your people make the place. Here is how to find them.
Greg Murray, Founder, Human Creative Coaching
In short
Friendship in a new city is built through common interest and repeated contact, not luck. Start by naming the kind of friendships you want, then put yourself where the same faces recur: friends of friends, a class, a league, a volunteer shift, a coffee shop, a neighbor's porch. Not everyone will click. Anyone would be lucky to be your friend. Keep showing up.
In this piece
You made the decision, you took the leap, and now you're moving to a new city. Excited, terrified, courageous, all of it. Or maybe you've lived here a while and are ready to build real community. Wherever you are, making genuine friends in a new place is exciting, intimidating, and hard. We're proud of you, and we want to help.
Many of these tips take courage to act on. You can do hard things. Before the list, a baseline. Your people make the place, so name what you're looking for: What kind of life do you want to build? How do you want your relationships to feel: heartfelt, relaxing, exciting, deep? In your own words, what is a good friend, what is poor friendship behavior, and what are your boundaries?
Three guides for using the list. Friendships are built through common interest, so choose activities authentic to you. There's no pressure for every human you meet to be a lifelong friend; the ones who naturally connect will keep growing with you. And you have intrinsic value: anyone would be lucky to be your friend. Don't take it personally when someone doesn't fully connect. You'll find your people.
Your people make the place.
Through the people you already know
- 1. Connect with friends of friends. Ask your current friends who they know in your new city, or post: "I just moved to [city] and would love to meet some cool people. Any suggestions?" Introductions go a long way, and even a non-match may introduce you to your match. If you're shy, call a good friend before meeting someone new, and always follow up.
- 2. Connect with co-workers. A pre-made path. In the office, add relational deposits daily. Remote? Your team is probably isolated too; start a group chat, organize a dinner, share baked goods, start a fantasy league. Be the first to offer a little conversational vulnerability.
- 3. Be a kind neighbor. Invite neighbors to a simple housewarming with food and drinks. Leave the house a few minutes early so you can chat in the driveway. Host a playful competition. Nail the basics: wave, follow the lawn rules, save the fireworks for the Fourth.
- 4. Keep the friends you already have. Digital tools make it easy to stay close to the people from your last city. Circle back on purpose; years can slip by. Old friendships also help you go deeper with new ones.
Through something you do together
- 5. Try a workout class. Struggle bonds people. Boxing, hot yoga, Pilates, CrossFit, HIIT, a run club, cycling, barre. A class pass lets you sample studios before committing.
- 6. Take an improv class. Everyone is in the same awkward boat. Embrace "yes, and," laugh at yourself, then invite the group out for pizza afterward.
- 7. Take a dance class. Dance is community by design: hip-hop, salsa, waltz, ballet, breaking. You leave with a skill and a group.
- 8. Join a local sports league. Moving toward a common goal with the same people each week produces belonging fast. Try a few until one fits.
- 9. Register for an art class. Community paint nights, pottery. Nobody is a professional; everyone is there to learn and laugh at their own work.
- 10. Learn a language. Study groups, exchanges, practice sessions. Treat mistakes as laughable moments and you give the whole class permission to have fun.
- 11. Join a book club. Read the chapters and be prepared to go deep. The topic is built in, which helps if you're shy. Clubs specialize by genre, so try a few.
Through the places you go
- 12. Frequent local shops. Become a regular at a coffee shop or a mom-and-pop grocery. Waiting in line is an easy moment to talk. Either the conversation goes swimmingly or it fizzles, and either way no harm is done.
- 13. Work from coffee shops. A third home for the price of a cup. Plan admin work there, come charged, and notice who else is a regular. Co-working spaces do the same as budget allows.
- 14. Go to events. Check the city's cultural calendar: art festivals, open-air concerts, street fairs. Open, communal, built for fun.
- 15. Go to the farmers' market. People who share your values, low-pressure conversation with vendors, and an easy first hang for new acquaintances: grab a pastry and stroll.
- 16. Cheer on the local pro team. Whether they're your team or your rival, a stadium is a spirited place to bump elbows. It's also an easy first group hang: watch party at your place.
- 17. Go to yard sales. Every item has a story, and the seller has lived here for years. Ask genuine questions. Save money and something from the landfill while you're at it.
- 18. Take a guided museum tour. Yes, really. The right guide gets the group laughing, and you're walking with people who care about art and history. Bonus: a gallery visit measurably lowers cortisol.1
Through service and shared values
- 19. Join a volunteer group. Serving without expecting return is linked to greater well-being,2 and you'll meet missional people aligned with your vision. Research a cause you genuinely care about. Whatever the organization, you're making the new city better on day one.
- 20. Join a community of faith. People who care about others and about growth, with events and easy ways to serve. Once you find one you like, volunteer. (Steer clear of cults.)
- 21. Join a young professionals group. Designed for connection. Networking, development, non-profit ties, mentoring. Step in with authenticity and it becomes a source of encouragement and accountability.
Through the digital world
- 22. Use apps built for meeting people. Meetup for pre-built local communities (confirm the group is actually active). Bumble for Friends if you're nervous about going out cold; use discernment. Experience marketplaces pair you with strangers doing something new: surfing, a chef's table, a hike.
- 23. Use social media. There are hundreds of millions of groups; filter your search to your city and your interests. Have the courage to send the first message and turn the first connection into a real-life hang.
Through yourself
- 24. Get a dog. Hang with me. Dog parks are full of friendly, animal-loving humans and small talk is expected. Your pup needs a walk every day anyway; make it a people-friendly route and the same faces become friends. (Dogs are an expense. Would you put a price on companionship?)
- 25. Dive into what inspires you. An inspired you attracts and inspires the people you meet. Knowing who you are and what you care about draws like-minded humans, and you may end up leading the run club or book club yourself. Challenge: list eight to ten people, places, and things that light you up.
Closing
We hope your life bursts with even greater color and possibility. Buckle up, be bold, and remember: people make the place and create the experiences you'll remember far into the future.
Questions I hear
What is the fastest way to make friends in a new city?
Repeated contact around a shared interest: a class, a league, a volunteer shift, a coffee shop you return to. Friendship needs the same faces more than once.
How do I make friends if I am shy?
Choose settings where the topic is built in: a book club, a class, a dog park. Call a good friend before you go, and set the goal at one real conversation, not a new best friend.
What if people don't connect with me?
Not everyone will, and that is information, not verdict. The ones who naturally click will keep growing with you. Anyone would be lucky to be your friend.
References
- Clow, A., & Fredhoi, C. (2006). Normalisation of salivary cortisol levels and self-report stress by a brief lunchtime visit to an art gallery by London City workers. Journal of Holistic Healthcare, 3(2), 29–32. Source
- Post, S. G. (2005). Altruism, happiness, and health: It's good to be good. International Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 12(2), 66–77. DOI
This article is written from a coaching perspective and is for general information. It is not psychotherapy, counseling, or medical advice, and it is not a substitute for care from a licensed professional.
Greg Murray · TPRAT certified, TLP Director, TPRAT co-facilitator. Coach to founders, executives, and artists. Writes here about what actually changes a person.
