Essays · · Updated
How Successful People Handle Tough Conversations
They don't let discomfort linger. Take the rock out of your shoe.
Greg Murray, Founder, Human Creative Coaching
In short
People who get where they want to go share one habit: they do not let discomfort linger. They have the hard conversation, make the hard call, and pivot when something is not working. Avoidance does not relieve stress; it compounds it. Facing the thing directly resolves it and builds your confidence that you can face the next one.
In this piece
Watch the video: It's time. Take that rock out of your shoe.
There's a common trait among highly successful people: they don't let discomfort linger.
Whether it's a tough conversation, a difficult decision, or an unsettling situation, they confront it head-on. They may take a minute to think with a level head, or ask advisors for wisdom, but those are active steps toward facing the issue well, not ways of avoiding it.
As your coach, confidant, and someone who has done his fair share of both avoiding and confronting, I'm here to encourage you to face what is holding you, your business, and your friendships back. It's time. Take that rock out of your shoe.
What is the rock in your shoe?
Imagine walking around with a small rock in your shoe. It's uncomfortable, but you keep going, thinking it's easier to tolerate than to stop, take off the shoe, and deal with it. Eventually the pain becomes unbearable and affects how you walk, your mood, your whole well-being.
Successful people know it's better to stop and remove the rock, even when it's inconvenient, than to let it fester into something bigger.
A little discomfort now is far better than prolonged pain later.
Why address issues directly?
Successful people address problems now rather than postponing them. They make the hard calls, have the difficult conversations, and pivot their routines when necessary. They realize a little discomfort now is far better than prolonged pain and frustration in the future.
What does the research say?
Avoiding problems doesn't relieve stress. It often makes it worse. In Lazarus and Folkman's account of stress and coping, avoidant strategies leave the stressor in place, so the appraisal of threat, and the strain that comes with it, never resolves.2
Facing the issue does the opposite. Albert Bandura found that mastery experiences, successfully doing the hard thing, are the single strongest source of self-efficacy.1 Each confrontation you handle well doesn't just solve today's problem. It raises your belief that you can handle the next one.
What does embracing discomfort look like?
Career. You're managing a project that isn't delivering. Instead of pushing through and hoping, successful leaders reassess, make the tough call to pivot, and reallocate resources. Course-correcting early saves time, energy, and money.
Relationships. Avoiding difficult conversations breeds long-term resentment and distance. Addressing the issue directly, even uncomfortably, deepens understanding and connection.
Growth. Starting a business, learning a skill, pursuing a long-held dream: each means facing fear and leaving the comfort zone. Growth comes from embracing those challenges, not avoiding them.
Closing
People who reach their goals understand that facing challenges head-on leads to growth, success, and peace of mind.
Embrace the discomfort, confront the rock in your shoe, and take the steps to remove it. Let's grow together by tackling our challenges directly and creating the peace we're after.
Questions I hear
Why do successful people confront problems quickly?
Because unaddressed problems compound. A small discomfort handled now costs less than the same problem after months of avoidance, and each one handled well builds confidence for the next.
Does avoiding a hard conversation reduce stress?
Briefly, then no. The stressor remains, so the strain returns and often grows. Facing it is what actually resolves the stress.
Is taking time to think the same as avoiding?
No. Pausing to think clearly or seek counsel is an active step toward the conversation. Avoidance is deciding not to have it.
References
- Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191–215. DOI
- Lazarus, R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, Appraisal, and Coping. Springer.
This article is written from a coaching perspective and is for general information. It is not psychotherapy, counseling, or medical advice, and it is not a substitute for care from a licensed professional.
Greg Murray · TPRAT certified, TLP Director, TPRAT co-facilitator. Coach to founders, executives, and artists. Writes here about what actually changes a person.
