Essays · · Updated
The Pursuit of Happiness
Happiness is a moment. Joy is a place to live. Here is the difference, and how to build the second.
Greg Murray, Founder, Human Creative Coaching
In short
Happiness is getting bad press, but it is a good thing to have. It is a by-product, experienced in moments: a game with friends, a runner's high, a pile of fall leaves. Joy is the internal state those moments deposit into. Three practices reliably raise the baseline: gratitude, service, and forgiveness.
In this piece
Is it okay to pursue happiness? Is happiness solely tied to consumerism or accomplishment?
If you've listened to podcasts or read recent books, you've probably heard "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" being redefined in a negative light. Conversations debating the purity and usefulness of this "pursuit" challenge the status quo, get attention, and may offer new insight. I believe happiness is a great thing to have in your life, and that it is a by-product of many other factors.
Is happiness only about consumption?
Happiness and true joy are first built within. Countering the counter-culture conversation, we experience moments of happiness from sources far beyond material goods: playing games with friends, a runner's high after a jog, tumbling into a generous pile of fall leaves. Perhaps happiness has been receiving poor press because happiness is not the actual internal destination we seek. If happiness is experienced in moments, joy is the dimension many of us truly want to live within.
Happiness is a moment. Joy is a place to live.
What is the difference between joy and happiness?
Moments of happiness are beautiful and contribute to raising our baseline of joy. Think of them as deposits into a bank account. Joy is the account: an internal state, a destination bursting with scenery to explore, the place our hearts reside, a flourishing internal landscape. Research on well-being makes a parallel distinction between fleeting positive affect and the more durable sense of a life going well.1 The inside job of growing joy takes effort, and can be one of the most rewarding investments we ever make.
How do you increase joy?
- Practice gratitude. Journaling or speaking three to five things you are grateful for. A review of the gratitude literature finds it reliably linked with greater well-being, and it reframes the mind's perception of reality.3
- Serve. A challenging one for us all. When we serve someone or someplace, we are transported out of self-focus, and often see how good a life we truly have. Giving to others is consistently associated with greater happiness for the giver.2
- Forgive others. Forgiveness sets us free of past hurts, reduces stress and its physical toll,4 lets us be more fully present, and makes room for joy where bitterness and resentment used to live.
Closing
Pursue happiness freely. Then invest the moments in the account that lasts.
Questions I hear
What is the difference between joy and happiness?
Happiness is experienced in moments and tied to circumstances. Joy is a durable internal state, the baseline those moments can raise. Both are good; joy is the one worth building deliberately.
Is it wrong to pursue happiness?
No. The problem is not the pursuit but the assumption that it comes only through buying or achieving. Most moments of happiness come from connection, movement, play, and gratitude.
What actually increases joy?
Three practices with solid evidence: regular gratitude, serving others, and forgiving those who have hurt you.
References
- Diener, E., Suh, E. M., Lucas, R. E., & Smith, H. L. (1999). Subjective well-being: Three decades of progress. Psychological Bulletin, 125(2), 276–302. DOI
- Dunn, E. W., Aknin, L. B., & Norton, M. I. (2008). Spending money on others promotes happiness. Science, 319(5870), 1687–1688. DOI
- Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., & Geraghty, A. W. A. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 890–905. DOI
- Worthington, E. L., Witvliet, C. V. O., Pietrini, P., & Miller, A. J. (2007). Forgiveness, health, and well-being: A review of evidence for emotional versus decisional forgiveness, dispositional forgivingness, and reduced unforgiveness. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 30(4), 291–302. DOI
This article is written from a coaching perspective and is for general information. It is not psychotherapy, counseling, or medical advice, and it is not a substitute for care from a licensed professional.
Greg Murray · TPRAT certified, TLP Director, TPRAT co-facilitator. Coach to founders, executives, and artists. Writes here about what actually changes a person.
