Knowing what is on your land is what makes the boundaries and gates matter. Twenty-four quick sorts, about six minutes. You end with a map of your land, the places where the fence is down, and one gate to hold this week.
Inside the fence, what is yours. On the line, where the gate is open. Outside, what belongs to other adults.
Knowing what is on your land is what makes the boundaries and gates matter. Boundaries are not walls. They are the line around what is yours: your time, your energy, your opinion, your body, your money, your feelings. Most of us lose the line in one of two ways. We carry things that belong to other adults, or we give away things that are ours. This free tool is a quick card sort across the five dimensions of boundaries. You sort each card as mine, not mine, or blurry, and the tool draws the result as a map: what sits inside your fence, what sits outside, and where the gate is open.
It takes about six minutes. You end with one gate to hold this week and the sentence you will say. The thinking behind it is in The Benefits of Boundaries, 5 Dimensions of Boundaries and Boundaries 101. For the words, the Boundary Scripts guide on the Resources page has twelve of them.
The line between what is yours to own and what belongs to someone else. Your feelings, choices, time and body are inside the line. Another adult's feelings and choices are outside it, even when you care about them.
Often because you have taken responsibility for how the other person will feel. You are responsible to them, honest and kind, but not for their reaction. Guilt here is a habit, not a verdict.
The one that is costing you the most this week, not the hardest one. A small gate that holds teaches you more than a wall that falls.
Something short, in the first person, with a clear edge: "I am not available after seven. I will reply in the morning." The tool helps you write yours, and the Boundary Scripts guide has twelve more.
No. It is a coaching tool. If a boundary involves your safety, talk to someone you trust first, or visit thehotline.org.
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