Tools · · Updated
5 Dimensions of Boundaries
Your life is multidimensional. Your boundaries should be too. Clarity is safety, health, and kindness.
Greg Murray, Founder, Human Creative Coaching
In short
Boundaries are not one thing. They run through at least five dimensions of life: emotional, material, time and energy, intellectual, and physical. Without clarity in each, violations happen, known and unknown. Getting clear is not unkind or something to feel guilty about. Clarity is safety, health, and kindness, to yourself and to the people around you.
In this piece
Your life is multidimensional, and your boundaries should be as well. Without getting clear on them, you will most likely experience violations, both known and unknown. Clarity on boundaries is safety. Clarity is health. Clarity is kindness, not something to feel guilty about.
This is deliberately concise, to leave you time to consider how and where each of these lives in your own life. There are more dimensions than five; these are good places to start. The framework follows Cloud and Townsend's account of boundaries as property lines that define what is yours to steward.1
Emotional boundaries
Your emotional health is vital, and protecting it benefits not only you but your friends and family. Emotional boundaries may look like:
- Saying no to something that is against your principles
- Reserving the right to change your mind
- Communicating discomfort
- Finding your identity outside of a relationship
Material boundaries
Money and possessions. Being responsible here can feel mean at first, but it keeps you and your friends accountable and ultimately strengthens your community. Ask yourself:
- How am I following up with people who have damaged what I own?
- Am I comfortable asking people who owe me money to pay what they owe?
- Would I lend a stranger my car? A family member? Where is the line, and why?
Time and energy boundaries
Do you find giving five dollars to someone difficult, yet easily agree to meetings and projects you never wanted? Your time is valuable, and you will never see this moment again.
- Getting clear on your priorities and values aligns what you say yes and no to.
- Perhaps a service you've been providing for friends can continue, but an agreeable fee needs to be discussed.
- Exiting conversations when needed. You don't have to stay in a conversation forever. It's fine to bookmark even a deep one and continue later.
Clarity is safety. Clarity is health. Clarity is kindness.
Intellectual boundaries
Your thoughts, ideas, and creativity are your own and need not change or be given away freely. It's okay if someone disagrees with you; difference of opinion can be a fun conversation if approached with curiosity.
- Respecting difference of opinion
- The right to the privacy of your thoughts
- Requesting that a conversation take place in a more appropriate setting
Physical boundaries
A basketball court has clear limits; without them there would be no court. Your personal space should have limits too. Physical boundaries can include:
- Expressing that you need space to rest, eat, or hydrate
- Letting people know you're not a hugger, or don't want to be touched
- Communicating which areas of your home are off-limits
Closing
Getting clear across all five is a project, not a moment. Start with the dimension that pinched as you read. For why the effort is worth it, the companion piece on the benefits of boundaries is the place to go next.
Questions I hear
What are the different types of boundaries?
At least five: emotional, material, time and energy, intellectual, and physical. Each protects a different part of what is yours to steward.
Is setting boundaries unkind?
No. Clarity is a kindness to everyone involved. It prevents the resentment and confusion that come from unspoken limits.
Where should I start with boundaries?
With the dimension where you most often feel drained or resentful. That feeling is the signal that a line needs naming.
References
- Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Zondervan.
This article is written from a coaching perspective and is for general information. It is not psychotherapy, counseling, or medical advice, and it is not a substitute for care from a licensed professional.
Greg Murray · TPRAT certified, TLP Director, TPRAT co-facilitator. Coach to founders, executives, and artists. Writes here about what actually changes a person.
