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Why Is Love Scary?

Updated: Nov 11, 2022

Love is one of the scariest emotions to feel, give, or receive! There, I said it, so you don't have to - love is scary! If love is so scary, why are we willing to continuously throw ourselves into harm's way?


To be completely honest, this is a question I have been asking myself over the past few months, and I do not know if I there if there is a definite answer. However, I would love (see what I did there?) to share some of my research and reflections.



As humans, we all have an intrinsic desire for connection. The rawest and most natural way to feel connection is through love, and because we all yearn for this type of connection, we are willing to face the scary side of love. When we choose to love, we decide to take a significant risk and be vulnerable.


Anytime we express or allow love, we also chance heartbreak - what I would argue is the most vicious form of disconnection. Heartbreak is what makes love so scary. Heartbreak does not care about the risk we took or the vulnerabilities we expressed. Joe Reynolds, an Episcopal priest, expresses why love is so scary when he says, "Heartbreak comes from the loss of love or the perceived loss of love. My heart can be broken only by someone to whom I have given my heart."


Here lies the paradox, We all intrinsically desire connection, but to experience authentic connection means we must be daring enough to give our heart to another. However, when someone respects our heart and holds it with kindness and affection, we experience the purest form of humanity. So we have two choices that Joe Reynolds expresses. We can either dare to love and possibly experience heartbreak or choose not to love at all. If you are willing to participate in the truest form of connection, I have two dares for you.


Two dares for love

  1. I dare you to take the risk: Do not let the fear of heartbreak stop you from partaking in the joys of love. By not taking the risk, you may numb yourself from heartbreak, but you also numb yourself to love and will experience a life of disconnection. Yes, the risk is your heart, but the reward is something that only humans can experience - unconditional connection.

  2. I dare you to be vulnerable and deeply seen: Joe Reynolds also shares that "To love with any level of intensity and honesty is to become vulnerable". To feel love in its most natural state, you must be willing to expose yourself emotionally. And within this exposure is the birthplace of love.

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